Chocolate Gin Cakes

I was invited to this party and was supposed to bring dessert. I didn’t have time to bake, so I stopped at a Whole Foods on the way over. They had a freezer full of cakes and I thought, “Perfect!” But it was hard to tell what flavors they were because all the labels were on the bottoms of the packages. So I grabbed the first one, held it above my head, and attempted to read the tiny print that appeared to have been written with the point of a needle dipped in ink. I squinted and squinted and could just make out the words Chocolate Gin Cake. What? Why would anyone put gin into a dessert?! So I picked up the next box, held it above my head and saw Vanilla Gin Cake. Seriously? Box after box was a gin cake — every flavor of gin cake under the sun!

So I marched over to the bakery and asked the guy behind the counter, “Excuse me, but do you have any cakes that aren’t made with gin?”

The guy looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Um, ma’am, none of our cakes are made with gin.”

I put my hands on my hips and said, “Well, every single one of those packages says ‘gin cake’!”

He gave me a weary look, put his tray of cannoli down, and followed me to the freezer case. He lifted the first box out and a smirk came over his 21-year-old face. “Ma’am? This says six-inch cake. Chocolate six-inch cake.”

So I grabbed the box, squinted very, VERY hard, and the letters began to form the words Chocolate 6in Cake.

Mortified, I meekly asked, “So, do you have any brownies?”

To which he replied, “Yeah, they’re over there by the vodka pies.”

And that, my friends, is how I discovered I needed reading glasses.